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What is this feeling, this insatiable urge I feel? The holidays fast approaching, I feel it. My heart aches and my head spins. I should be happy, I'll be seeing my loved ones and sharing smiles, but in my mind I'm unwrapping memories full of sadness. I know I should be ecstatic but all I want to do is run, far and fast, away from anyone and anywhere I know. I am surrounded by those who care, but all I want is to fulfill the urge to be truly alone.

The walls, they close in around me, the weight of the world compressing me, I cannot hold it back. I was never strong enough to be alone, you kept the walls from crushing me. Every day they inch closer, I'm running out of room just to breathe in here. If something doesn't prop these walls up soon I may not make it to the next day. Someone save me, something has to change. I could run away, escape all my problems, but would it really solve anything? Would it lift the weight off my shoulders, or would it just make the walls finish crumbling and be my undoing? The strength wears thin, I need someone to hold me and help shield me from myself.

I miss you. I miss how you held me so tight at night, like I would float away if you let go even for a second. When we layed there, you'd stroke my beard, and I would melt into a puddle in your arms. Your kisses still replay themselves in my head. Do you miss me as much as I miss you, do you miss the same things? I wish I could remember, when the last time I was OK being alone was, it's been so long. How do I move along, what do I do? Do I forget you, or should I let the pain burn hot and revel in it, let it remind me that I'm still alive? I miss how you made me feel so alive, because every time I talk to you now, I wish I could live again.

Hello loneliness, it's been awhile since we last spoke. I had been enjoying some time apart, if I'm being honest, why are you back again? Will beer drown you out, or just make you louder this time, until I can't see straight? I really wish you'd leave me be, let me live how I want to. Maybe someday I'll embrace you in a way that makes me smile, but for now I just want to shut you up. Please, loneliness, leave me alone tonight, I'm not in the mood for your cold embrace.

The tears won't fall, but the pain will squeeze me to death. I am trying to stop feeling this love, with every last breath. I try to cry but instead I just hurt. I hide in my mind, feeling like dirt.

Why can't I turn it off? You flipped the switch after hiding your feelings for so long for and left me behind when you did. I'm riding the roller coaster of emotions that I don't want or know how to deal with. I have found the bottom of more than one bottle, but haven't found a single bit of relief or peace. I feel so trapped in my emotions, these walls a prison for my mind. These memories, the ones that used to be a sanctuary, are now a torture pit that send me further into my depression. Sleep should have found me hours ago, instead I lay awake, wondering what it would take to write a happy ending. I miss you, even though we're never far ap

I look back across these years, across the endless stream of memories we made together, my heart weeps and my eyes are filled with tears. I've never loved someone so much, I've never felt a loss that hurt so badly. I can only hope that one day I'll move on, that I'll be able to love myself and be ok that we're not together anymore. I miss you, even though you're right here next to me, it feels like we aren't even here. Does this chapter really need to end? Can't we rewrite this ending and move forward together still? Will you forget me? I'll never be able to forget you. Someday I'll be gone, but for now, I'll just have to accept that you are.

It huts so much, seeing you with him. I'm tired of trying to be strong, it hurts and I'm tired of hiding it from the world. I've been trying to wear this smile in front of the kids but my eyes betray me. I always wear my emotions on my sleeve anyway, this isn't any different. The tide of emotions has enveloped me fully, I can't hide any of it any longer. To hell with the lies, to hell with the love I still feel for you, I hope you're happy, because I'm still miserably in love with you.

The story is still being written, but I have no power to edit it. The words are on the page already, but I'm not allowed to read them. I'm a part of the story, but I'm left in the dark to find out the ending when everyone else does too. What happened to us, why am I left so far in the dark? Why do I feel like a door mat, walked all over without care. What is it I'm not being told? Would it fix things, or just make them worse? We're in the same house, but for me it's not a home, for me it's a prison and you're not really there, just a picture on my wall, to remind me of who I leave behind. I wake up every day, but I'm not feeling awake. I live